I decided I just needed to get out of town and away from the drama for a bit. I ended up leaving in the middle of the week, so I'm missing a lot of classes. My professors so far seem to be very forgiving about the situation, so I'm really happy. I went back to my parents house and I'm staying until this Sunday. I got to see a few of my good friends from high school, and that was really comforting to know that they'll still help me when I'm in a crunch. I literally just started texting everyone I knew when Austin and I got into a fight and they came through. It was super awesome because they all got together and drove for over an hour to come rescue me. I wanted to cry so much!
Anyway, basically Austin got the foreclosure papers from the court regarding his dad's house on Tuesday, so he was already uptight. I'm honestly not even sure what the heck set anyone off, but we ended up fighting. It got to the point where he told me I had until 3:30 the next afternoon to get all of my stuff out of the house or he was throwing it away. I'm not really sure what he mad about... I just remember him saying that I don't pay enough money for the bills or something like that. I really don't know. Then he calmed down to the point where he said he would just put my stuff in boxes and I get them from the garage. And now he just wants me to be with him so we can work it out. Over the course of three days. I mean, honestly, I know he was really stressed about the foreclosure papers, because that means that the two of us have to find another house to live in.
I cut myself again before I left with my friends... I've been stuck in a sweatshirt the entire time I've been home. Luckily, it's cold as hell outside. My arm is starting to get itchy and it's annoying as I'll ever get out. This time, I do feel a little ashamed that I did it. I was doing really good at fighting off the urge to do it because I didn't want to have to deal with Austin or anyone else seeing my arm. I failed miserably in the end. I'm honestly beating myself up pretty bad about that one...
Austin and I texted a lot yesterday back and forth and it seems like he calmed down but I don't really think he even knows what all happened... I mean, obviously I'm still hurt. He did apologize a little bit, but I just really want him to say "I'M SORRY" to my face. He's always had a hard time apologizing to people... anyone, including me. It's just the way he is, but after something like this week happens, I just think it goes without saying that he needs to apologize. Duh. I don't really know how I feel about being with him anymore. I don't want to keep putting up with this shit and then have to pick up our pieces afterwards. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still love him to death and I would do anything in my power to help him. I just can't stand it when we fight. We don't fight often, but when we do, it's like World War 3 in our bedroom. That's the part of our relationship I can't stand.
I've been living on my light soup for the past few days and indulged in 2 slices of pizza for dinner last night. I don't feel bad about it because all I had was soup before it. I feel like I hit a plateau with my weight. Like, I was losing 6 or 7 pounds a week for a few weeks, and now I'm lucky if I lose 3. It's kind of annoying because I was doing really well for a while... Blah.
I have to go for now, but I'm gonna update you all later. I need to help my mom with work and stuff... and figure out my paycheck... and find coffee.
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