So I've taken to finding a bathroom stall that locks and noone else can see me, hear me, or get in. I like it like that. I've been sleeping in this bathroom all week because I haven't been getting enough sleep... yuck.
I found a safe place to go for the weekend. I'm gonna go with my beautiful friend. :-) She has a modelling event tonight, so that will be fun to go see, I hope! I'm anxiously awaiting her to get to campus so we can go buy cigarettes and have fun! I might be partying tonight, but I don't know. I just want to go have fun. I deserve it, no? I hope that this weekend will be fun... I really do. I just want to forget about this week in it's entirety.
Luckily, if I go drinking tonight, it won't really matter too much. I fasted most of yesterday except for a little dinner, and I'm fasting today also. I realized that if I just forget about the food and don't think about my tummy, time passes by pretty quickly. I can't guarantee I can always do that, but with all the stress of this week, it was nice to go to bed with a grumbly tummy. Still, somehow, today I feel exceptionally fat. Maybe it's because I'm wearing skinny jeans, who knows? What I do know is that I need to get another ten pounds off, pronto. I'm pretty sure I turned into an elephant overnight, and that the fasting did absolutely nothing for me. Nothing else to do but try it again! I find that I feel happier when I fast. I don't have to count calories. I don't have to worry about the expensive healthy food. I don't need to worry about looking fat all of the time when I eat, either. Hopefully a few more days of this will get me to where I want to be. I wanted to lose 15 pounds by the end of the year, and since I've only lost about 7, I really need to get on that.
I'm feeling a little self conscious about my arm today, too. It's trying to heal over already, but the shirt I wore doesn't cover it as much as I thought it would. It might just be a coat wearing kind of night instead of showing off my cute top. Blah. Oh well. Whatever keeps people from asking questions. Maybe if we get drunk tonight I'll take it off. People don't care when they're drunk. Maybe there will be cute boys this weekend. It'd be nice to talk to some nice boys in lieu of my now ex-boyfriend. That sounds awful, I know. I'm not sleeping with anyone this weekend though! :-P
I hope my friend gets here soon; she'll know what to do. I hope that seeing her this weekend will give me more motivation to fast and lose those extra pounds by the end of the year. That's a really nice thought. I guess in the mean time I will redo my makeup and see if I can come up with any ways to miraculously make myself look not fat. Hahaha :-)
Strangely, I am dong okay today. My ex had an interview for a really good job this morning, and he wanted me to help him get ready. It felt.... strangely nice to go about it in a friendly way. I felt a lot of pressure off of my chest, that's for sure. Maybe without that pressure, I'll be five pounds lighter! It's a thought. :-P Wishful thinking, that is.
I'm not sure if I'll be able to write much this weekend. It sort of depends on where we go and where we stay, to be honest. Nonetheless, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend.
Stay strong, my pretty friends xx
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