Dinner was really, actually one of the best dinners I've ever had, and I didn't even splurge! Austin insisted we go out to this nice pub/restaurant thing. Nice and pub in the same sentence... hmmm... but it's true! Haha. I got a steamed vegetable wrap with squash puree (it was actually really interesting to eat) and some french onion soup. That was pretty good too. I felt pretty good about it, even though my tummy is still kind of bloaty and round from this week, but it'll be alright. I may have some popcorn tonight, but I don't know. The can is in front of me, but it's not open right now and I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of that popcorn.
My cat scratched the side of my tummy earlier. He got it pretty deep. I was kind of hoping that it was deep enough that the fat particles inside of me would leak out, but to no avail. It was simply wishful thinking.
I'll have to get a picture of the mess my hair has become. I went to take a shower this evening, and decided to brush my hair before the shower because it was really snarly. Probably a bad choice, because it started coming out in chunks when I ran the brush through it. Now, normally, this just happens while I'm already in the shower and it all goes down into the drain. Not the case here, and it really scared me because the brush was fullllll of hair. Looks like it's time to go back on my biotin regime. I can't have my hair falling out like that. Yucky.
Soooo tomorrow is Thursday. I decided that I'm going into work, but I'm packing my own food because I'm a broke college kid. I'll probably be able to write and update a bit more throughout the day since I'll be at work all day.
Here is the ABC diet plan I'm going to attempt starting on Monday. I know Wilko was curious what it was, so I decided to put up a picture. Mostly to show him what the ABC is, but also to put it out there that I'm actually being for real this time because making up my own failed miserably.
The reason I keep telling myself that I'm an awful person is because I really do think that. Not all the time, but most of it. I am not a good role model. It's like, I definitely and by no means condone what I do or say. I do not label myself as a "Pro-Ana" blog. I hate that people think that just because I write about my life in a blog, it means that I am a supporter of what I do. Because of it, I get a few emails here and here asking for "tips" or "ideas on how to lose weight fast," or my favorite, "If I do this or this or this, do you think it would help me lose xxx amount of weight in xxx amount of time? Blah blah blah" Honestly people, I would never reply to something like that. There is no reason to. It makes me sick that people think they can "become" this. You can't. It just is. It's not because of this blog that I get upset at myself, it's the way that people perceive me. As much as I try to forget about it, I can't help bu feel like I'm just doing everything wrong and that keeping this as my outlet makes me a bad person.
My trip to the counselor is on Monday morning, right after my Calculus 2 final exam. Yippee! ....
...
....
Not really yippee.
Anyway, I still don't know what I want to get out of this meeting, really. I'm not sure what to divulge or what to keep internal for a while longer. Should I wait until I trust them to tell them everything that's happening, or do I spill it all right there so they can think I'm a nut case? It's driving me crazy running through every scenario I can think of. What did you all do the first time you met with your counselors, etc? (If you've ever had one). Is it scary? Where did you draw the line between "tell" and "don't tell". I don't know what to do about.
I feel like fleeing the continent.
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