Yipes.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a binge eating disorder with a touch of alcoholism. I feel so helpless.

Right now I'm hungry. I've eaten so many calories' worth in the past three days, it's shocking. Over 5,000 a day for sure, but I didn't keep exact counts. Tonight is a record. Almost a whole bottle of rum for myself. I feel depressed and alcohol makes me feel giggly and alive.

Tonight, however, my boyfriend was over, and he left. Now I'm drunk on rum and pineapple juice. So sugary and calorie laden, but so good. I guess it makes me feel sexy and beautiful, being drunk. I don't have to worry about my appearance. Not like I get drunk in front of anyone. Just me. And my cat. And Netflix. That's all that you need to know. This kind of scares me, being so drunk. I pray I wake up in the morning.But sadly I feel I feel I will be given another day on this earth. Another day off of work feeling hopeless and productive until I begin drinking again.

I won't see my boyfriend tomorrow, and this is sad.

Uggh/ Tooooooooooo many calories this week. I feel gross.