Asking For Help.

These past few months have been absolute hell for me. Since I moved back home, I've been under the watchful eye of my parents, friends, and coworkers. My old laptop died. I feel awful. I look awful. I've had no way to reach out for support when I needed it, and it crushed me. I've gained back most of the weight I had lost right before the winter, and it really shows. I'm here to ask for your support as I try to get back on the path I was pursuing before my support chain and inspiration crumbled beneath me.

I'm a bloody hot mess, I'll admit that much. I finally am starting to feel emotional again. I've even got a new boyfriend, and I adore him dearly. Now, he is my goal at the end of my weight loss (...again). It's kind of funny because he wants to do that p90x junk with me, and I couldn't be happier to oblige.

I miss everything about my journal here. Reading back on some of my old posts, I feel so motivated to claim my life back. Now, with school starting for my sisters, they won't be around much. My dad is going to be working umpteen hours a day, and I'm going to be working and teaching my boyfriend to be a health nut. I know I keep telling myself that I'm ready to just go and DO this finally, but now is my time, for real. I'm just so sick of looking sick and gross and nasty and fat. I absolutely hate part of my life right now, and I hate feeling so sluggish and helpless. I want to be healthy and beautiful and normal looking and thin. I don't even want to say how much weight I've gained since I moved home because it's so awfully embarrassing. I hate being in a house with home cooked meals at night and a boyfriend who is obsessed with ice cream and fast food. It's making me sick, and I know it.

I've found out that I'm vitamin D deficient as well, so I've got to get that normalized again. My hair had begun to fall out, and when they did blood work, that's what was wrong. Yippee. I also found out that I'm lactose intolerant. When I started my job a little while back, I kept getting really sick and had to call off some days and I couldn't figure out why I am always getting stomach aches and head aches and stuff... come to find out my body can't process dairy. Yippee. Dairy certainly limits my diet, and I am nothing more than ecstatic with that.

Please pray that I can finally take this step on my own to nip all my problems in the bud. I really need it. I really, really, really, really do.