Fair Day!

I'm about to cry. Today is the career fair, and here I am, sitting on campus, wearing a pant suit with a button up shirt. At least the button up is a pretty color. I even wore heels today, and I haven't worn a pair in years. My toes are numb from walking around campus already, and I still have three hours before the career fair starts.

I'll let you know how this goes... :-/

I found some really neat companies that I'm interested in... And all but one is in my area. The oddball is out in Pennsylvania, and that's like, 4 hours away I think. I'm kind of hoping there is no relocation assistance with that position... Ha. Anyway, I found these two companies that are really big on sustainability and bending over backwards for their employees and for the environment. Now, I'm not a genuine tree hugger, but that was one thing I was really looking for in a company. See, there was a company that does exactly that, and I really wanted to apply. They did awesome things, like make clothes and containers out of plant sugars! I don't know how many of you are geeks like me, but that is so cool! Turns out the plant is in Nebraska. Who the hell goes to Nebraska? Not happening. I struggled to find an alternative company up until last night. I found TWO! I think that is my driving force for today. I just really hope I can get an internship... or a co-op. I'm happy with any of it right now since I'm broke broke broke.

Anyway, I feel really ugly in this suit, like I shouldn't have even bought it. I feel like a stuffed cabbage.

My ankle just cracked so loud it echoed in the hallway.

Ahem.

Stuffed cabbage is me. My hair didn't do what I wanted it to do, but I fell asleep with it up so that's all my fault. I woke up late this morning. At least I took a shower. I guess I just don't feel ready to do this fair thing yet. I mean, don't get me wrong. I want an opportunity sooo badly I might cry after this is over. I just don't think I can handle it emotionally yet. I mean, I might have to move away from my boyfriend. He might have to move away from me. I'm scared that when I come back, I won't have anywhere to go. I'm scared I won't have any friends around me. I'm pretty sure the only good thing is that I would starve in peace.

Also, I muffed up last night. Boyfriend took me to dinner. I'm a fucking failure.
I really need to get out of that habit. I've been doing really awful the past month or so, and I just want to scream.
But I woke up with the tummy grumbles and smiled. I like that.

I want a job. I want a chance.
I don't want to look like a cabbage roll.
I don't want to fail you.