Mini Hiatus

 Hey all,

I'm taking a short break from Blogger. It's nothing you guys did/said/haven't done, it's just something I need to do for me. Trust me, it won't be long at all, though.

I've just been thinking about life and college and what I really want to do with myself, and I'm having a lot of trouble making really important decisions that need to be made in the next two months.

My boyfriend's and my relationship is pretty much on the rocks right now. It's been three years, and I am ready to be serious about it. He, however, wants to lie and say mean things to me when he feels like it, and wants to be a total sweetheart when he feels like it. It's a rocky emotional roller-coaster, and I'm not sure what my decision is going to be. I need help.

Stephanie & Austin; the happy days

I'm so torn apart by this. It's one of the hardest decisions I will ever make up to this point, and it physically hurts me to know that I don't know what my answer is. I love him, so much, and it would take part of my life away if I were to let him go. He is the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I stay awake at night. I've never been so incredibly emotionally and physically and mentally involved with someone, ever.

I wanted to spend my life with him, and I'm not so sure he feels the same way anymore. I need this weekend to think. To get out all of the anger and pride, and start from scratch. It would quite possibly kill me to be without him in my life, but I can't live with the nagging, the negativity, and the lying. I think I've come to realize how weak and powerless I really am. I hate that it seems like he governs my life. In some ways, he does.

Oh, and by the way, his name is Austin. I'm giving him a name and a face. I'm not sure what good it's going to do, but I'm sick of just calling him "boyfriend" because he's really so much more than that.

I love him, and now I need space.

Please, if some of you want to get in touch with me, I have unlimited texting 24/7 and unlimited phone calls over the weekend... I'd really appreciate it. Just some kind words. Let me know if you want my phone number (comment me, email [ stephanie.elizabeth92@gmail.com ], etc), and I'll give it to you. I really don't mind, especially with going away for a bit. Really, I'd be more upset if you didn't do it (For Real!). I need your advice and thoughts!

Stay strong, and I'll (hopefully) be back soon.
I love you guys and I miss you already. I just hope you can understand.

xo