Has It Really Been That Long?

I want to apologize for not being around the past few weeks. I have no idea what got into me. It's been a really big blur, and I felt the need to do this right here, right now. Unfortunately I'm in my engineering class, but I can forgo a day of notes to update.

My energy is beginning to solely come from energy drinks and coffee, and it made me sick. Not puke-y sick, but sick enough. I don't feel like I should be privileged to drink anything but. I've definitely been eating though. My body needs to constantly be on the run, and it just keeps begging me to keep it running. I need to get back into the swing of things. I feel myself starting to gain back some of the weight I lost; not all of it, but enough to make me feel like poo again.

I definitely need to start finding time to work out again; I haven't done that in a while either. So far this semester has really grabbed me by the toes and hasn't allowed me to do much else besides study and stay alive. I actually went through an entire week with an average of less than an hour of sleep each night. I felt like I was going insane and I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of hallucinating. I started seeing auras and colors and shit. It was weird.

I completely started smoking again and didn't mean to. I did so well over the summer! I just walked my ass to the gas station and bought them thinking "one pack for the weekend and I'll be okay" and I'm pretty sure I've bought at least 5 packs since then. At least they help pass the time when I need to step out for a bit.

On a semi-brighter side, I got to see my friends this past weekend and it was so wonderful to catch up with them! I didn't realize how much I missed them until I had to tell them goodbye. It sucks having to be away from your friends and family for so long; I'm planning on going back in a few weeks because it was so much fun! I need to be careful when I go back though; my sister is a recovered anorexic, and it kinda makes me twitchy when I talk about it, but I'm still jealous of how wonderful she looked; she still looks terrific but I just need that edge on her. She's always been the pretty and popular one, and now it's my turn to be pretty! The last thing I want to do is mess her up again... Yikes.

So class is almost over, so I need to start packing up. I'm probably going to update more after this class since I have some time to spare before lab.

So, stay strong!