I must be going crazy. Oh well, I just ended up with more free time so I guess that's okay with me.
I get to leave campus early today because my supervisor told me I didn't have to come in this afternoon and my boyfriend's done with class in an hour. :-)
So I did end up eating a serving of those goldfish pretzels. I'm up to 330 calories for the day with roughly 470 to go, but I really think I'm going to be under that amount for the day. It's already past noon and I've already staved off the hunger up until now; I think I'll be alright the rest of the day. I'm probably going to make some kale and broth for dinner or something. I'm really feeling soup. I might do that since my boyfriend wants pizza... I'll make the pizza and drink the broth instead... tell him I'm too full.
Side note: I really hate people who want to know what you are doing on your laptop, so they sit like, two seats down from you and try to see your screen. I really hate that, and right now is not the time to try and hound me. I don't know you. Fuck off.
It's a rainy day out today. Reflects my mood quite well, I might add.
I'm having issues waving my headaches off the past two weeks. They hit, and when they do, they hit hard. It makes me so irritable and mad, and it really pisses me off. It's kind of funny because you can tell when I get them by reading my posts. The mood changes from post to post are funny to read. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm bipolar or something. My mom says nothing is wrong with me. I like her idea better.
Speaking of my dear ol' mom, she told me the other day that I didn't have the option to give up. I was feeling particularly down and sad and I texted her about it. I said I wanted to curl up and disappear, but before that, I wanted to put myself in the psych ward. She said that was absolutely not an option, so I said I wanted to give up. She didn't like that idea all that much at all, and I can't really say that blame her, because it may have just been the state of mind I was in. Although, it probably really wasn't.
I've successfully wasted half an hour ranting about my dumb feelings. I don't know why I do this, but I guess it might be on the off chance that someone else knows what is happening and might reach out a hand or some thoughts.
Hopefully some thoughts, because I can't gather mine very neatly anymore. I have a really hard time concentrating and it's starting to mess up my daily activities. Like the place I work at, I answered the phone this morning and introduced myself correctly, but said the department completely wrong. I was helping a professor book a conference room and kept stuttering like an idiot. I blabbed to my supervisor about bullshit and she probably thinks I'm crazy. It's like I go through periods where I don't know what I'm doing or I kind of wipe the period from my head and don't even remember what happened. It strikes me as freaking hilarious, but deep down inside somewhere I know it's probably not a good thing. I just don't want to face it; I know that's what it is, but I really don't care. Not at all.
I don't know what I was going to follow that with. Some random gay kid came up to me and asked for quarters. I gave him two and he gave me a hug. Well, it'll come back to me later... I hope.
Oh, and someone needs to remind me to start taking my biotin supplements again. My hair comes out in chunks when I shower and it makes me so mad. Stupid hair. I was taking them for a while and it started to calm way down, thankfully. Then I stopped taking them because I'm dumb and now it's all starting to knot really easily and when I run my hands through it in the shower, the hair just kinda falls over the place. It makes my boyfriend really mad. I need to get on that.
Dude I can''t even type right anymore. It takes me forever to get the sentence right. I'll like, combine words and forget some and add punctuation and think it's right, and then when I look at it, it looks like my cat sat on the keyboard. I hate that, too.
Maybe I really am going insane. I wouldn't doubt it. I need to go find some water so I can make tea. I'm starting to get dizzy and lightheaded. Blah.
xo
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